Look! It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's a bad remake!

Look, there wasn't any other movies that I wanted to see. I will rent A Prairie Home Companion in six months. I had no desire to see Click, The Devil wears Prada, or Garfield.

So, I went to see Superman Returns in hopes that it wasn't a total waste of time and money. Unfortunately, it was a waste of money and time. Three hours to be exact.

First of all, Superman says fewer words than Clint Eastwood in Hang 'em High. This works for Clint Eastwood but doesn't work for Superman. This Superman is so reluctant to speak that he appears to be on Prozac, brain dead, or has an incredible fear of public (or private) speaking. This silence doesn't make the Superman character look tougher. It makes Superman look dumber.

Secondly, Superman as a soap opera is unnecessary and actually repulsive. (SPOILER: don't read any farther if you intend to see the movie.)

In this movie, Superman has returned to Earth after a 5 year absence. Superman knows that his home planet was destroyed but he journeys back to Krypton to see the wreckage (I guess). Similar to watching the results of a car wreck. And that's somewhat understandable but he leaves Earth without saying goodbye to Lois Lane. So, Superman returns home to find that Lois has married a mortal and has given birth to Superman's son. You know guys, you can't present Superman as a boy scout and then give him an illegitimate son. So, the rest of the movie is all about: will Lois leave her ordinary husband for the god-like Superman?

And the religious symbols, story line, and dialog should be very offensive to Christians. Forget about The Davinci Code. Take your picket signs to the theater nearest you that is showing Superman Returns. Superman dies and is resurrected. Superman's father talks repeatedly about sending his only son to Earth. Superman is thought of as a Savior. Superman is worhipped. When he is injured, Superman looks like he is on a cross being crucified, and on, and on.

This movie starts out with some spectacular special effects and a fast pace. Then it slooooooooows down to a crawl.

What did I think of actor Brandon Routh as Superman? He gets a C+. He is one of the skinniest, most out of shape looking Superman I've ever seen. And Superman speaks so little, I can't tell if Routh is good, bad, or otherwise. Routh seemed to get Superman's voice and mannerisms right. But he seemed to be just a cardboard cut-out of Superman, but that could be the director's fault.

And I didn't care for actress Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane. Again, Lois Lane didn't seem to be the tough reporter that I expected. She seems to have turned into a soccer mom.

And I have admired Kevin Spacey in movie after movie. But he is also a washout in this movie. The Lex Luther in this movie is just not scary enough.

Superman Returns supposedly cost over $200 million to make. My suggestion is to spend another million dollars and actually hire a writer or writers that can actually write a good movie and actually develop interesting characters.

And director Bryan Singer didn't get the job done. He took a beloved character millions of people love and made a shadow out of him.